Of Moose and Men

Thank you National Geographic.

What started out as a 10-year-old boy's birthday party movie-night sleepover was bridged by a NG Special on Alaskan Moose into a metaphor for a simpler, more direct life. 

I was watching the moose special on TV, and the boys were supposed to be down the hall getting ready to watch the current comic book hero action movie.  Somehow, one made their way down the hall, followed by another, and then another.  Eventually, they were all there, crowding into my space, taking up perfectly good space on my couch, chez lounging during my quiet time.  

I pushed back.

I tried to redirect them back to their space.  To where they belonged.

I was was getting irritated...

And then the weirdest notion hit me...right...between...the...eyes.

They were into it!  They were into it just like I have been my whole life.  Since my early childhood, I have always loved watching documentaries about wildlife--especially North American wildlife.  It was sort of one of those things that I did with my dad, and here they were, interested, intrigued and watching it with me.  It was pretty cool and I was feeling great, until I realized that the seasons were changing and our characters were heading towards the rut.

Did I mention that it was two days after Valentine's Day dance?

Crap.  We were going to have to talk about sex, and as events turned towards the rut the questions began to leak out.  

"What does it mean to leave his presence?"

He pees into a scrape and the girls show their interest by rolling in it.

"What is estrus?"

It's when the girl moose wants a boyfriend.

"Why is he sniffing her butt?"

It means he likes her.

"Why is he protecting some of the girls and chasing others away?"

He is selecting the girls that are into him the most.

"Are they married?"

Nope, he is just picking his girlfriend.

"You mean moose have girlfriends before they get married?"

Sure.

"Cool!"

As the talk heated up, I did what any good male would do when it comes time to talk about feelings:  I used my quick wit to insert some self-deprecating humour to deflect some of the attention from the natural scenes to something less "natural".

I likened them to the moose, thinking that this would throw them off.

Hey guys, wouldn't it be way easier to live like a moose?  All you'd have to do to get a girlfriend would be kick up some dirt, pee in it and wait for the first girl to come and sit in your scrap.  Then, you sniff her butt and voila, a girlfriend!  

"Whoa, that's cool!  Can I just say something?  Seriously, this would be so much easier for us guys"

You mean picking your girlfriend by peeing in the dirt?

"Yes, it would really make things way easier for us guys than all of the things that we have to go through."

Wow, straight from the mouths of babes.  Maybe they are right.  Maybe this was just a metaphor for all of the crazy rules and artificial customs that we have governing our lives?  Could things be simpler?  Could we actually just say and do what we are feeling without worrying about social conventions?  Without worrying about what everyone else thinks?  I don't know.  What I do know, however, is that we lose something very pure and honest when we lose our innocense.  It's not just the creativity, that belief that we can do anything.  It's not just the raw emotion we feel, and express, with the world around us.  Somehow, as we grow older and (let) life and experience replace Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, we take more and more of the energy used to see the world with wonder and divert it into defining ourselves.  We go from chasing rainbows to chasing careers.  We go from being friendly to everyone to only being friends with the right people.  We stop believing that we can do anything and start building boxes that show, exactly, what we can do. And then, to disguise that fact that we are selling ourselves short, we decorate those boxes with jewels, fancy vacations, designer clothes, and $7 coffees.  

Have you noticed that kids never answer ethical dilemma-type questions with "it's complicated"?  They just tell you what they think based on what is right or wrong.  The answer to the question of why that becomes so hard for adults consistently eludes me, but is probably why life as a grown up is filled with so much stress and anxiety.  As a boy, my uncertainty revolved around being pulled away from the wonders of the world to do the things that "needed to get done".  As an adult, the uncertainty centres around being happy enough with myself with what I have done.

Why do we move from moose to men?  Can we move back?

I guess it's hard to think outside of the box, when you are the box.