Lex Luthor is a fictional supervillan and the arch nemesis of Superman. “Who is your Lex Luthor?” is a phrase used by Jerry, in the TV sitcom Seinfeld, to identify another person’s arch nemesis. For Jerry, it was Newman, the bazaar postman who lived upstairs. For Elaine, it was Sue Ellen Mischke, the braless wonder. For me, and most people who are really honest, Lex Luthor lies deeper within.
We are our own worst enemies? How can that be? We know what things and people that we like and dislike. We know what makes us happy and what doesn’t. We can even predict that an situation, based on past experiences, will foul our mood—unless something is done to ready us for the challenge ahead. In simple terms, if we know that something will bother us we should be able to avoid it, shouldn't we. But if Lex Luthor is hiding inside of us, he could pop out at any moment and if he is always there, does that mean that he can always take charge?
The answer is no.
No, because we know how to defeat our personal Lex Luthor. No, because we know what his kryptonite is.
I learned from a very good friend to tackle the things that I dread head on. He has this wonderful way of taking stock of a situation and deciding what needed to be done. Once decided, he pauses and takes a deep breath and at this point, I always know what is coming out of his mouth. “Well, I guess I had better...”, and he adds in the thing that none of us really wants to do. The thing is though, he really knows himself and that means that he knows that things will not get better for him or his issue if he delays the action that is needed. He knows that, for him, putting it off will make him stress, and that will worsen the situation. Honestly, I have learned a lot from this (thanks Chris), and I have found that by asking myself “What would Chris do”—instead of the long breath—I get the focus to see my next step. Tackling a difficult conversation works best for me when I do not put it off, and knowing that helps me reframe a challenging situation into one that I feel more comfortable managing. Knowing me is important too. I know when I am overtired, when I am grouchy, and when there is something from work bothering me at home or vice versa, and knowing that allows for me to build a plan for success when something thorny rears its head up. I also know that remembering my mantra of “a small moment doesn’t have to define my whole day”, helps me keep things in perspective. There is nothing worse than feeding one of the little things until it grows and grows into an energy-devouring monster.
Knowing me helps me to predict a challenging week aheads of time. For example, the last two weeks of November always seem to be a high stress time at school. The rush of the new school year is over, the weather starts to turn and the days get shorter and darker. The excitement and business of the Christmas season is still a week or so off and people are tired. Knowing this, I was able to reframe my last two weeks into some of the most positive ones of the school year. I still had difficult the conversations, I still dealt with the slippery roads, driving home in the dark, and the early morning wake-ups to get the driveway shovelled. And, I still had tired people—myself included—all around me. But I got organized and I defined my priorities. I made up a list of things that were necessary to get done and things that I would like to get done. Instead of putting off conversations, I took time to plan through my thoughts. I started something fun with my staff that I call the Winer’s Club; instead of whining about the time of year individually and alone, we are collecting wine together for a season-ending draw on the last day of school before the break. And, I am bringing in lunch for the staff because they have worked so hard this year and they need a nice thank you before going home to recharge with their families and friends.
I even took a run out into left field. In a time where I felt too busy to do finish anything that needed to be done and too tired to do it, I leaned on one of my passions—flyfishing—and started to eek away some time, every night, to sneak downstairs and tie a few flies. Some nights I tied flies, and some nights I re-organized my tying area. One night I reorganized my flies into sensible boxes based on fishing species and insect type. Another night I reorganized my tying materials. One night I tied a few very complicated flies that will likely never get wet, and another I mass produced tonnes of an insect that I have only encountered once (albeit in epic proportions). The funny thing is that adding in something new didn't make me tired, rather it gave me energy. Instead of making me more overwhelmed, I found my thought far more clear. By taking care of myself, even for a small amount of timne each day, I began to find myself more able to help take care of others. What a great feeling.
In a nutshell:
· I reframed my problems
· I took the things that were dragging me down, and turned them into a pathway for success
· I dipped into my energy well, and let my passion fill my bucket
· Made it through one of my toughest times in the calendar feeling full of life
· I took my lemons and made me some lemonade
So, who is your Lex Luthor, and what is your Kryptonite...and what are you going to do about them?
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