Where has all of the fun gone?
I found a great article this weekend that talks about the single, biggest reason for kids dropping out of sports. As a long-time track & field and soccer coach, this topic really piques my attention. The article is from an Australian newspaper--a place where amateur sport rules supreme--and quotes statistics and anecdotes from the USA, the UK and New Zealand, but the brand, so-to-speak, is the same here in Canada. Of course the answer was simple and predictable: parents.
Kathleen Noonan, the author, describes coaches who are berated during games by parents who drive "Mercedes and BMWs. Even in front of their kids." How about sports where they "have introduced lollipops for parents to put in their mouths because their barracking so out of hand an abusive." In Canada, we have seen this type of behaviour documented time and time again in the hockey arena, but have you ever watched a youth soccer/lacrosse/basketball/etc. game? The soccer association that we belong to has had to institute rules requiring parents to watch from the opposite side of the field from where the team sits, and to have specific language demanding that coaches and parents not speak to or engage the referees, in any way, before, during or after the game. I have even had a team parent have to be spoken to for chewing out an opposing player for playing to hard against her daughter.
Ms. Noonan says that the car ride home can be a real game changer for kids who are, at the same time, reeling from a loss or poor play (or both), and still facing a barrage of criticism from an overly-competitive parent. She does, however, provide some advice for that ride home. Instead of complaining about the ref, or the coach, or the other team or--heaven forbid--your child's performance, stress the fun in the game. Find a compliment (good passing, responsible defensive play, teamwork, fancy uniforms, a great cheer...), and spread the wealth. Find something good, and compliment your child. Tell them that you are proud of them, and encourage them to be a good sport when they win, and to stick with it when they don't. Two weeks ago, my girls' team had a tough game. We had a long drive and started with no subs. A bunch of girls did not show up, and we withered in the heat in the second half against a very good team, which was really hard because we played our hearts out in the first half. The girls left down, some in tears, and I heard compliments like, "where is so-and-so" and "I am tired of losing like this". My daughter is a strong player, who played her heart out. She told me that the girl who volunteered to play goalie was very upset, and so we talked about her go up to that girl at the next practice and complimenting her play. We talked about how much that would mean to someone who felt that she--undeservedly--let the team down, and about how that type of compliment means so much more from a peer than it does from a coach or parent. This one the heels of me trying to prop her up for her good play, and her grumbling...
Anyway, for at least one week, the positiveness led to a team refocus, and that led to an absolutely outstanding effort against a far superior team in a very close 2-1 loss this weekend. The girls were exhausted from the heat and the running--again, only 2 subs this time. But what I appreciated is that, while disappointed about losing, they saw the improvement. They know that they took control against a strong team in the second half and put them on their heels. We will reinforce this at practice this week. We will tell them how proud we are of them. We will single out game strengths for each player. And, we will try again next week.
I coach this team with a friend and fellow principal. We work hard every week on skill development, and on parlaying those practice skills into game play. Most importantly, however, we measure success not by wins and losses--we've had mostly win and mostly lose seasons together--but by how many girls retruns next year. So far, after 6 years, we have been very successful.
While this post took a definite sports angle, I would say that my experience has me convinced that the same themes ring true for many healthy activities for kids. This like playing piano, painting, writing stories, building Lego masterpieces, etc.
Check out Kathleen Noonan's article here: http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/the-real-reason-why-our-kids-quit-sport/story-e6frerdf-1226645601355
